Good Grief !?

When you love a child who struggles with substance use, there's a whole lot to feel: worry like it's so deep and never ending it can consume your days; guilt wondering if you did something wrong or self-blame that you did it wrong again and shouldn't have; anger when you've had enough and can't take the same old chaos anymore. Familiar?  I get it, and all of of this is normal, it makes sense that these thoughts and emotions happen. This is a very hard road and it comes with a whole lot of pain and confusion. We are going to feel a lot of things, a lot of times. 

There's a name for this. It's called Ambiguous Grief. This kind of grief comes with worry, guilt, anger, confusion, so many big emotions. It means we experience deep losses: loss of our own peace, loss of dreams, loss of seeing our children healthy and happy, wondering where they are, how they are and the fear of not knowing if they'll make it to the next day.  This road is full of profound losses that seem continuous with no closure.

As hard and daunting as it may seem, there is no way through it but to feel it, to acknowledge it, to understand it, to care for it.  And so I invite you to be willing to allow whatever emotion and experience you're having.  It may feel scary and overwhelming, and your body and mind will take care of you to lessen the intensity of emotion and bring you back to calm and presence. 

Give permission for your grief to be here. Grief has no timeline or rules. The goal is not to get rid of it, it is to care for it and ourselves as we feel it.  It is personal to you, no one else, grief sometimes just has its way and you will find your way through it.  Feel it to heal it.  

Carve out some space and time to allow the tears, the emotions, the thoughts, the worry, the imagined past and future fears, they are most likely going to show up.  And make sure to breathe.  With permission to feel all that shows up in you, it can offer you some release and reprieve from the weight of the grief.  

Giving yourself compassion while you feel is healing.  Healing is continuous, also no timeline or rigid rules.  You can grieve and heal, there's room for it all.  Feeling is the healing. Good grief?  Good to feel and honor it.  It's there because you love. 

Love wins here too! 

Peace be with you,

Joanne