Accepting the Unacceptable

He left again. Back to the streets, back to using drugs to get through the day. It's soul sucking to see him this way, to imagine what horrors could happen.  

How many times have you found yourself begging your child, begging God for healing, please help my child, help me please!?  

This scenario gets played out so many times, you'd think it would get easier.  Each time feels as formidable as the previous one. It's so damn hard to accept that a child may need substances to survive their daily life, and that it may cause their death, with so many other losses along the way. 

How can any of this be acceptable? 

First let's clarify that acceptance is not the same as agreement.  It's not condoning or denying problems or challenges.  It's not to blindly tolerate, look the other way, or pretend you're fine when you're not, or to create a spiritual bypass.  It is a consideration of the struggles, a recognition that here they are, and we're here with them.  We know when we love a child struggling with substance use, there are problems, and they don't get our agreement. 

So how can we offer some form of acceptance? 

What if we start off by honestly admitting we struggle with acceptance because this is just hard.  We can be inconsistent.  Let's compassionately acknowledge our  imperfection, that we may not know what to do, or we do know what to do but in the heat of the moment we forget it.  We try and we try again. What if we accept that?  

What if acceptance is more about acknowledging the conditions of life, embracing the reality of things that happen, and it's surely ok and probable that you don't like it. The point is to notice the unacceptance of reality and instead invite the willingness to let it be, to be with it, in process.  Again, you don't have to like it, but without the stress of not accepting what is actually going on, you may find you get new ideas for next steps, and you're calmer. 

What if you developed a willingness to consider or once again remember that Love, that God, that something that makes the world spin and not implode, will hold you through it all, noticing it actually has many times throughout your life?  And can do so again, and again. What if it could be just as true that someday, somehow, for someone all of it will be used for a purpose beyond your current understanding?  

What if in the midst of heartache you allowed an invitation to accept all your emotions and hold them and yourself with gentle caring?  Grief is allowed, tears, screams, worry, anger, laughter, fun, peace, rest, and all the back and forth.  No emotion good or bad, just being with them.  You will survive this. 

It might sound like this:

1.  I hate what's happening, it's so hard to experience all this, so hard to feel all this AND I will sit with it.  I will feel it and give it caring attention.  I will love me in it.  I will send love to my child especially because of it and when I return to calm. 

2.  I am going to grieve AND I am going to heal.  

3.  I am going to take the best care of myself I can - body, mind, and spirit AND I can be imperfect and  inconsistent AND notice I'm trying and can start again. I will allow joy in my life too.

4.  I am going to worry and have some very scary images about past and future AND I'm going to get present, breathe, notice fact from imagination, and question the truth of my fears.  I will choose love over fear.

5.  I am going to experience hard things AND I have done hard things, I can do hard things, I will do hard things.  I will rest in between, try to create more ease, and fully appreciate the goodness that is also available, with gratitude.

What I've learned (the hard way) is that Love accepts all things just as they are. It doesn't create frightening stories like we do. Love transcends the earthly limitations and painful struggles. Love holds the light and overcomes the darkness.  It is timeless.  It is indestructible.  It is in each of us.  It is in each of our children. Love/God never changes, always offering us kindness.  It desires to hold us entirely through all things, inviting us into Itself.  Each of us could not be more worthy of this Love. We didn't put it in us and therefore can't remove it. Accept it or not, you're just stuck with Love! 

If you're like me, I can unplug from that kind of Love, and it leads to fear and hurts.  And, there's the invitation.  The hurt is the re-minder that we are the ones who disconnected and to intentionally plug back into Love, back into the Light,  being guided by Love, the Love that lives beyond circumstances AND then do our part.  Maybe our part is getting more information, waiting, asking for more support, taking a time-out, self-care, establishing healthy boundaries, releasing control and advocating, there's lots of parts we can choose. 

For each of us and our children, "unacceptable" just doesn't exist where God and Love are concerned.  All parts of us and every thing is accepted.  We are the ones who will create stories around the unacceptable.  It may be heartbreaking and hard, and still it can be transformed by Love, beyond the story.  

Love wins here! 

May Peace be with you and your family,

Joanne

PS:  How many more "AND's" can you create?  Please share them with me ok? 

I invite you to get some more inspiration on the topics below and/or visit https://www.joannerichards.life/  to take a look around and continue our healing journey together.  Thank you!

How to Find Peace When You Worry - a guide with 3 powerful ways to be OK when things aren't OK. 

Letter from A Child - a message from a child struggling with substance use to a parent on love.

Love Shows Up Here - a little exercise for Love to guide you to show up at your best